REVIEW: Marathon Crunchy Dark Chocolate Energy Bars

Protein bars satisfy. And you know what else satisfies? SNICKERS. Combine them, and you might possibly have the most satisfying snack on earth. Or the most horrendously unhealthy. I mean, come on- Snickers protein bar??? That kinda defeats the purpose of even EATING a protein bar. 

You would think so, right? But it turns out the same guys who made Snickers are now making these Marathon Energy Bars- and guess what? THEY'RE ACTUALLY HEALTHY. Gaaaaasp!

Well, at least healthy enough by MY standards. I guess it depends on which Marathon Bar you get exactly, but these Crunchy Dark Chocolate Marathon Bars are only 150 calories a pop, and are packed with 11g of protein. Not bad, especially if these thing's taste live up to the Snickers name. But if NOT... that kinda defeats the purpose of even buying these things. I can buy any old protein bar at the gas station- but when I'm buying one with Snickers on the label, IT. BETTER. DELIVER. OR I WILL CONSUME THE EARTH IN A BOUT OF FLAMES!!! AND SAY, "MARATHON! THIS WAS ALL MARATHON'S FAULT! MARATHONNNNNNNNN!!!"

But no pressure.

A 44.2g bar costs around $1.85.

REVIEW: Kashi GoLean Crunchy! Honey Almond Flax

Okay guys, major dilemma: I've been reviewing so many Kashi products as of late that it seems all of my witty Kashi review post openers have drained out of my brain. And it doesn't help that the name GoLean Crunch! Honey Almond Flax doesn't really jog the imagination. I mean, what am I supposed to say? This is like a cereal that the grown up Buzz from Honey Nut Cheerios would promote?

...Actually, that's not too bad. Yeah, I guess that works.

And anyway, what is WITH Kashi putting all these flax seeds in everything?! I suppose they ARE a good source of Omega 3's, but it's not like I care about that. Yeah, I'm a bit narcissistic, so sue me!

So, I'm hoping this Kashi cereal tastes as good as their Toasted Berry Crumble, which I found worthy of a perfect score. Fingers crossed!

A 14 oz. box costs around $3.99.

REVIEW: Kemps Throwback Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

You know what food gimmick I consider silly? Huh? A promotion that I think should just be dropped altogether? One that should be sent to the bottom of a pit, never to return? Huh? Huh? You guessed it- throwback flavors. They're just so darn useless. A mere definition of the word "gimmick." Like, for instance, I remember a few years ago how my dad was so jazzed up for some old-fashioned Mountain Dew that was being released as a throwback item, and I was just like, "Why?" He said it was made with real sugar, but isn't all Mountain Dew? What's the big deal? You can't just slap "Throwback" onto any old food product you see and live a good and decent-

.............

Uh huh. Uh huh... I see...

Well, alright, so a correspondent of mine just informed me that no, not all Mountain Dews are made with real sugar- in fact, most of the flavors are made with high fructose corn syrup.

Well. Alright then. I guess... I was wrong...

Well now, Mr. Correspondent! Do you see what you've done now?! A perfectly good rant ruined! Waaaaah!

...I guess now all I can do is introduce my next reviewing material like it is. Today I'll be trying this Throwback Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, brought to you by Kemps. I think this ice cream is labeled as "Throwback" NOT because it is a variation on Kemps' current Chocolate Chip, but because it is a flavor that the company has made since 1914. Pro deduction skills there.

Anyway, a 1.5 qt. container will cost around $3.89.

REVIEW: Kellogg's NutriGrain Strawberry Cereal Bar

Okay, time for another Kellogg's NutriGrain review! Fun, right?! Cool review, right?! New product review, right?! Totally, right?! Oh yeah!!!

...Yeah, yeah, whatever- don't blame me for filler reviews- they gotta be done. I guess. Anyway, the last bar I happened to taste-test in the NutriGrain line was their Apple Cinnamon flavor, which was OK... But was, in essence, just that. O.K. Not impressive, but not horrible either. I suppose I thought that maybe it was just that specific flavor that wasn't pleasing my taste buds and that there was a great chance that SOME NutriGrain product out there could prove to be tastier, so I bought up a bar of their Strawberry variety.

A 10.4 oz. box with eight 1.3 oz. bars costs around $2.98.

REVIEW: Nature's Path Organic Sweet & Salty Mmmaple Pecan Chewy Granola Bars

So, dear readers: QUESTION TIME: How do you feel about ORGANIC granola bars? Me...? Well, the only organic kind I've ever tried- or at least even close to being called "organic" -is Kashi. And simply put, their granola bars didn't exactly give my taste-buds high hopes for the rest of the organic bar line. 

"So then, Ri," you then might proceed to say, "Why did you decide to do a post on an organic granola bar product today? You didn't make it sound like you were very interested in trying them."

Very true, dear readers! But sometimes, products just jump out at you so much that you just can't NOT buy them, no matter how uninterested in them some might expect you to be. ESPECIALLY if said product is in the dusty corner of the supermarket labeled "Reduced Produce."

Hahaha... What can I say? These Mmmaple Pecan Chewy Bars from Nature's Path Organic were going for less than HALF their original price! HALF, Jim!!! And I think the only problem with them was that the box was pretty dented. Yeaaaaah, theres a chance that they could be totally expired and harboring tons of flesh-eating bacteria, but I'm gonna take my chances! Adventurous eater, awaaaaaay!

A 6.2 oz. box with five 1.2 oz. bars costs around $4.38.